Pictures from yesterday (Brady's ear tube surgery)

In the waiting room . . .


In the exam room before surgery . . . (no, he didn't have to wear the hair net - I did)

After surgery . . .

Exhale . . .

Brady's surgery was today. I took him back to the operating room and stayed with him while they administered the anesthesia. Once he was "asleep", I left and within 5-10 minutes the doctor was telling us that everything went great. Just a couple of minutes after he left us, a nurse came and told us that Brady was waking up and we could go see him.

We went back to the recovery room and I was able to nurse Brady through most of the waking up experience. His eyes were a little "druggy" so we had to hang around until he was a little more alert.

From start of the surgery to in our car on the way home, it only took about 45 minutes. Within an hour or so of the surgery, Brady was back to his normal happy self. Right now, he is crawling around the house and enjoying himself.

So far, the only strange thing I have noticed is that he occasionally jerks like he has lost his balance. I assume that this is because he is having to learn how to balance without the everpresent fluid in his ears.

I'll post some pictures a little later. Thanks to everyone who thought about us today. I appreciate it.

UGH!!!

Back to the pediatrician with Brady again this weekend. Ear infection is better, but now he has Fifth Disease. I was afraid it was another allergic reaction to his antibiotic. Can't this kid catch a break.

On a good note, however, Dylan is still doing well and is getting excited about starting soccer soon.

Jeep Boys

It was so nice outside today. The boys wanted to go cruisin'.

Brady's Ears

Well, as most of you know, we have been fighting constant, recurrent ear infections since Thanksgiving. We had an ENT appointment today and Brady is a good candidate for tubes. I was ready and we actually went ahead and scheduled the surgery.

Brady will be having tubes put in his ears on February 18. I am scared, excited, hopeful, etc. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that we will have at least one or two more cycles of antibiotics before that date.

So, please keep us (especially Brady) in your thoughts on that day.

More Snow Pictures and Jump House Fun

Well, it snowed again down here in the Great South. So, of course, I had to take some snow pictures.

And, since it really was too cold to play outside at all, we took the boys to a jump house place. They had a blast.

Pictures

I am trying to make more of an effort to take pictures. I am so bad about remembering to take pictures, even if I have my camera with me. So, since I am staying home now, I am going to try to make more of an effort just to click away. I know I will be grateful for these reminders later on.

Brady's preferred way to carry things these days . . .

Today, he got trapped and needed rescuing. Of course, bad mommy took a picture first.

Dylan just being silly after pre-k today.

My sweet (and sweet smelling) boys after their baths.

It's snowing here in Georgia. This is big news and (sadly) this little amount of snow will probably close most school systems tomorrow. Don't laugh, this inch (that will probably melt off by mid-morning) will shut our city down.

Almost a Month

Okay, so it's been almost a month since my last post. Wasn't I supposed to have more free time now that I am not working outside of the house. Yeah, right.

Well, here is a brief synopsis to get you caught up to where we are . . .

• Brady is still fighting the ever enduring ear infection. We have been on three or four different antibiotics and had shots, but nothing seems to kill it. Right now, we are waiting for an appointment with a pediatric ENT - probably headed for tubes. I really am okay with this. I just want his poor little ears to get better and I don't want his hearing to be affected.

• The Friday before Christmas, Brady had another seizure. Once again it started in the car. This time Jason was driving, so I climbed into the back and pulled him out of the car seat. It was nerve-wracking and I thought I was losing it. We have got to do something about these ear infections (see above).





• Christmas was good. We cut back some this year (we had to now that there are two kids in the family), but it didn't feel like anything was missing. Both boys had a great Christmas.





• We went to the mountains in PA to try to find some snow for the boys to play in. Of course, it wasn't much colder there than here in GA. But, apparently, it did start snowing the day we left. Go figure.





• New Year's Eve was spent at home with some good friends and their children. The kids camped out in the bonus room and almost made it to midnight.





• Dylan started his new school. He was a little (actually, a lot) nervous, but he was such a big guy. He only cried a little before we left home, but once we got to his school he was a big boy. He had a great day and loves it. I was so concerned about this transition for him (and so were all of the grandparents because every single one of them called to check on him this week), but he is doing great. His reaction to this change has given me great hope for next year in kindergarten and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Dylan says he likes his new school and he says it is because he gets to come home earlier and spend time with me and Brady (heart melts).





• Jason and I joined a gym. We got a great deal because we joined before Christmas before the New Year's rush. It has a kids club, so we take the kids with us. I have been going each morning after I drop Dylna off at school. Brady stays in the kids club and I do a 1 hour class. I could also lift weights or walk on the treadmill or whatever else you do in a gym, but I am exhausted after that 1 hour class. Maybe later in the year, ya know?!?!





• As a treat for Dylan this week, I took him and Brady to Build-A-Bear. They had a blast.

This has been my first real, normal week of staying at home. We are starting to get into a routine, but there still aren't enough hours in the day. I am beginning to think there never will be. But I am spending time with my kids that I will never be able to get back. That's really all that matters, right??

Well, I have been at home for almost two weeks now. I still haven't found a routine that works for me, but I think that is because I have so much I want to get done. So far, I have done a little cleaning, a little decluttering, a little shopping, a little working, and a lot of other little stuff. The downstairs of the house is beginning to come together and I am almost finished decorating for Christmas.

I want to share some photos from our photo session last night trying to get a good picture for the Christmas card. I wasn't really happy with any of the shots of the two boys together, but I found one that would work. Enjoy.

And here are some really cute shots, well I think so anyway, of the boys individually.

What A Week!!!

Well, this was my last week of work outside of the home (for a while at the very least, but hopefully forever.

Here is how the week broke down -

Monday - Was working on an adoption study (my second job) at my first job. Got a phone call from daycare saying that Brady had a temp of 101.8. He had been teething, but this seemed a little high to be a teething temp. So, we went to the pediatrician. He had an ear infection and we got a prescription for an antibiotic. When I was leaving the parking lot, I called daycare to let them know what had happened and to ask if I could bring him back the next day since it wasn't anything contagious and, you know, because it was my last day of work. Daycare said to just get a note saying he could come back, so I immediately parked again. I got the boys out of the van and as I was unbuckling Brady I realized he was having a seizure. I ran back into the pediatrician's office and the nurses and a doctor took over. He seized for 5 minutes in the office, so it was actually a little longer since he had started in the car. It was a febrile seizure (and I knew it as soon as I saw it since Dylan has them too), but it was so scary to watch my precious little boy seize for over 5 minutes - knowing there is nothing I can do to make it better. Then, it took so long for him to regain control of his muscles - it was like watching him hit his developmental milestones all over again - first came head control, then rolling, sitting, crawling, but I did not go home until he was at the same developmental place as when I had brought him in. We also wound up going to the ER for some tests just to rule out anything other than febrile seizure. Everything came back completely normal. But, needless to say, I didn't even ask for a note to go back to daycare for the next day.

Tuesday - stayed home with Brady. Had a parent teacher conference for Dylan - he tested on the verge between advanced and very advanced. We always though he was really smart, but now we have proof - LOL!! This is part of the reason for his behavior problems. After the conference, I completely finished Christmas shopping for the boys (cause, you know, Brady doesn't know the difference and he won't tell). Stayed up until about 3:00 a.m. writing adoption studies - I am such a procrastinator.

Wednesday - Back to work. One of my co-workers took me out to lunch since I only had a couple of days left at the office. Stayed up until midnight writing adoption studies.

Thursday - Working again. Made sure everything in my desk was packed up and gathered all of my personal items. My boss took me out to lunch.

Friday - Received my last paycheck and my severance agreement. It was a little sad to leave this job. I really liked all of the people I worked with and we all know how rare that is. I had been there just under four years (before this job the longest I had ever worked somewhere was two years). It is going to feel a little strange not going to work on Monday. But I am sure I can get used to it.

So, now I have so many plans for what I want to get done around the house. For the month of December, we are leaving both kids in full-time daycare/pre-k. This will give me some time to get myself together, get the house cleaned/organized/in a routine, and still write my studies. It's actually crazy how excited I am to able to get the house under control - it's almost like I need to be medicated, I am so excited. But, I am looking around thinking about all of the cleaning/decluttering/straightening/decorating I want to do and I can already feel myself getting overwhelmed. I haven't felt like the house was straight and tidy since before I had Brady. I guess, I just need to do a room a day or something and not worry about anything else until I am done. Otherwise, I am going to get so overwhelmed I am not going to do anything.

Also, I want to finally get serious about losing weight. I want to start walking the neighborhood (between 2 and 3 miles) each day and a serious, but good/healthy diet.

In January, Brady will start staying home with and we will try to get on a good schedule. Dylan will start going to the state pre-k program (essentially free except for meals). So, we will be saving a ton of money by not having a daycare expense anymore. This will help to offset some of my lost income. Hopefully, I will be able to make enough from adoption studies to make up for the rest.

Lots of good stuff about to start happening (or I am about to start making it happen).

My Boys

This was taken a couple of weeks ago . . .

Aren't they adorable?!?!?!

P&PT Needed for my Sister-In-Law

My sister in law was about 12 weeks pregnant. She lost the baby on Friday (or before Friday). At her Friday appt. (11/2) they could not find the heartbeat. She saw it at her prior appt. so sometime after that appt. and between Friday's appt., the baby passed away. She was scheduled to have surgery on Tues. (11/6) to have baby removed.

I received a phone call at 5:45 a.m. Sunday morning telling me that she had rushed to the hospital. She had been bleeding on and off all weekend (thought she was naturally miscarrying), but things got out of control and she thought she needed to go to the hospital.

Her husband drove over 100 miles an hour- ran every red light and they made it in record time. He demanded she be taken immediately to see the Dr. at the ER and they did not question him (thank goodness). She joked that she thinks he would have been arrested if they said to wait in the lobby!

Upon arriving there a mulittude of bad things happened- she was bleeding heavily and the ER was hoping for her body to naturally miscarry the baby. They tried the ER's way until she progressively got worse- her blood pressure dropped (down to 60/30 at one point), she passed out, cried and screamed in pain and contiued to lose alot of blood. Around 10 or 11, they paged her Dr. for surgery and she had the DNC Sunday- she said the surgery was wonderful compared to the prior events.

Her Dr. said she lost 1/2 her blood supply (normal people have like 13, she has 6 something right now) and they began talking about giving her a blood transfusion... She told him she preferred not to, but would do whatever needed to stay alive. My mother-in-law offered her blood- my sister-in-law laughed in the middle of this crisis and ask the Dr. if she got mil's blood would she turn into her? MIL did not think it was as funny as she did.... According to SIL, MIL is still trying to give her her "damn blood" too.

She truly thought she was dying this past weekend- She even told her husband several times "i am dying"! She is out of the hospital (released late Monday). She is very weak and on bed rest for several weeks. She is not expected to fully recover for 4-6 weeks when her blood rebuilds to full pool. She has to keep getting her blood checked and hopefully will not need anybody else's blood.

She did specifically mention one thing though - her nurse in the ER was a pregnant lady- She said she was like "COME ON PEOPLE give me a break, can't i get an old infertile nurse. " She has a great sense of humor and it is definitely still in tact.

Right now, she is unsure if she wants to risk going through something like this again and is saying she doesn't want to try for another baby. She is cherishing her little "wild man" (he's two), probably more than ever. She says he is the only thing that cheers her up right now.

Halloween (and other) Pictures

Here are a couple of pictures from Friday at daycare . . .

my unhappy clown

a little happier, or at least not screaming mad

my super cool Power Ranger (mask on)

and mask off

And now some other pictures over the past month or so . . .

Halloween Parade

Well, today was the boys' Halloween parade at daycare.

Brady was the "cutest clown evah" and Dylan was the "coolest silver Power Ranger evah" - I'll post some pictures later. (We actually had that discussion on the way to school this morning).

I decided to come into work late and actually got to watch the parade this year. This is the first time I have been able to go "evah" - Jason has gone every other year.

Well, the teachers strapped Brady and his classmates into a six-seater stroller and pushed them around the parking lot. Then I watched all of the other classes. Dylan was such a big boy and walked around like he owned the place. This is a big step for him because every other year he has either cried the entire time or refused to do it. Sniff and smile - he's growing up so fast.

School Pictures

These were taken a couple of weeks ago. They are scans, so they're not the best quality. But at least you get to see their cute faces.

As you can see, Brady is sitting up and he is starting to move around a lot. It won't be long before he is crawling.

Dylan is doing really well in school and is getting very excited about Halloween.

Both boys were sick last week and we think Dylan had a febrile seizure. His teacher said he was twitching in his sleep and she had a lot of trouble waking him up. Since I wan't there I can't be sure, but it sounds like it.

I had to take Brady back to the doctor yesterday. He has thrush - yuck!!

But otherwise, all is going well.

Long Time, No See

It has been way too long to do a complete catch-up so I will try to hit the highlights (and include some pictures):

April

Maternity leave and sleep deprived.

May

I was still at home on maternity leave. Nothing much going on, just adjusting to lack of sleep and being the mom of two.

June

Dylan turned 4 and we had a party at an inflatable jump party place. He had a blast and had 8-10 of his friends from school and the neighborhood came.

I went back to work and Brady started daycare. Towards the end of the month, Brady started cereal and quickly moved onto baby food. That boy likes to eat.

July

Dylan and Jason went on a two week vacation. The first week was spent in the mountains with Jason's dad. The second week was spent at the beach with Jason's mom and her family.

Brady rolled over for the first time about 2 hours before Jason and Dylan got back from vacation.

August

Dylan started pre-kindergarten. We decided to send him to private pre-k instead of the state sponsored program. Most (but not all) of the children in the state sponsored program have not been in preschool and we were afraid Dylan would be bored and start getting into trouble. He adjusted well to the new class and new teachers.

Brady was growing by leaps and bounds. He is just the happiest baby.

September

Dylan has gone on two fieldtrips so far in his pre-k class. The first one was too this cool place:

http://www.inkfun.org/ He had a blast.

The second one was yesterday to the library. He told me that they taught him how to treat books. A very good lesson for a group of 4 year olds, I think.

Brady is still growing and still so happy. He is starting to sit up. He can't get into that position himself yet, but when you sit him down he can stay balanced for a couple of minutes at a time.

My brother reported for basic training for the Air Force on 9/11. We won't be able to talk to him until it is over, but we do have his address so I am going to try to write to him. He is one of the oldest people reporting for basic training (at 26 year old). I think that might make it easier on him in some ways and harder on him in others. But I know he will do great.

Well, that's about it for now, but hopefully I can get back into the habit of updating more often.

DUE DATE

Well, today was my due date and my baby is 2 and 1/2 weeks old.

I went to the doctor for my normal twice a week appointment on Thursday, March 29, 2007, and my blood pressure was elevated (even after lying on my left side for 15-20 minutes). Because of my previous history with severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome when Dylan was born (and the fact that I had already been on bedrest for 2 months) the doctor decided it was best to go ahead and deliver instead of waiting for me to get sick like last time.

So, around 4:00 in the afternoon, I walked, yes - walked, to the OR. My MIL had picked up Dylan from school, so he got to see me before I went in for the c-section. I think all of the tubs and needles scared him, but we did get one picture with his hand on my stomach before I went in for surgery. He and MIL waited in the waiting room for the baby to be born.

Jason got changed into scrubs and waited outside for me to receive the epideral. I had really been hoping for a VBAC, but I wasn't dialated at all and my doctors will not induce for a VBAC. The fact that I didn't get to VBAC wound up being a good thing. Apparently, the baby was so wedged up in my ribs that the doctor doubted I would have been able to get him out on my own. As it was, I had the doctor's assistant practically sitting on my chest pushing on my abdomen trying to get him out.

Well, all was well. We made it to 37 weeks, 3 days. Brady Alan Lane weighed 7 pounds and was 18 3/4 inches long. His APGARs were 8 and 9. He cried wonderfully after a little bit of time. He did not need to go to the NICU, which we had been warned could be needed. Except for the first night, when I had to stay alone and couldn't get out of bed, he roomed in with me the whole time in the hospital. I actually got to bring a baby home from the hospital on the same day I went home. This has been a whole new experience for me.

My c-section recovery has been amazing. I have had virtually no pain. I could actually stand up completely straight the first time I got out of bed (and those of you who have had a c-section know how amazing that is).

Things are going well at home. I am extremely tired, as I am breast feeding this time so Jason doesn't have to get up at night (and since he is working, I don't think he should since he can't really do anything to help me anyway). Breast feeding is going well, Brady was back up to birth weight before we hit the two week mark. I will find out at his one month how much more he has gained. His days and nights are a little mixed up right now, but hopefully that will begin to straighten out soon.

Still Here . . .

Well, it's pretty much been the same old, same old lately. Here are a couple of highlights over the past month . . .

• Jason and MIL painted our master bedroom. We picked a color that I actually really like, but I would have never imagined I would have a bedroom this color. The name of the color is “Tropical Nut”, which to me, looks like a dark rust, but to everyone else looks sort of reddish – but it looks great and really warms up the room!
• Spent quite a bit of money on new ivory, cream bedding and window dressings to go with the new wall color. The room looks great and very "grown-up". LOL!!
• Dylan is getting so big. He is going to be such a great big brother.
• We decided to put Dylan in private pre-k next year instead of the state sponsored pre-k program. Based on information from the director at his daycare, he has already met most, if not all, of the state sponsored pre-k program guidelines. He would most likely be bored in the program, so we are going to pay for private pre-k to keep him challenged instead of having him go to a free state program. In the long run, I think it will be a great headstart for his schooling. This will also give us a good idea about whether or not he is truly ready (especially socially) for kindergarten the next year.
• I am 37 weeks today and had another "measurement" ultrasound this morning. Brady is measuring 2 to 2 1/2 weeks ahead right now. He is estimated to weigh 8.3 pounds. Let's hope that it is a little overestimated.
• Got my cervix checked for the first time today. It actually wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. I am high, thick, and closed. So, who knows if I am going to be able to VBAC or not.
• Still working two jobs from home. I am already dreading having to go back to the office. I really enjoy the freedom this gives me. I can't wait until I can get to work full-time for my SIL and stay home (at least most days).

Well, I think that is about it. See, not much new going on. I will update more later and will try to update pretty quickly after Brady is born.

Still Here and Holding On

All is well, with both me and baby.

The nursery is ready, all we need to do is a little laundry and get some clothes back from my SIL. New crib was assembled this weekend (old crib was broken in move) and furniture is arranged. There are even some wall decorations and a clock on the wall.

Dylan's room has some cool new decorations. He is already such a great big brother. Whenever we would pick something out for his room, he wanted to know what we were getting Brady. We got wooden letters for each of their rooms (to spelll their names) and he wanted to paint Brady's first.

I almost cried when I dropped Dylan off at daycare this morning. On the wall, all of the kids have drawings of their families. The heads of each person is made from the child's fingerprint. Dylan had his teacher include Brady (by name and everything - I wonder if they thought he was making the name up - LOL). It was so sweet. I truly hope he is as excited once Brady is here because right now he can't wait to meet him and be his big brother.

Oh, well. I guess I better get some work done today. I mean, they are still paying me and everything.

Still Here

Well, I am still here on bedrest. BP is holding steady and Brady seems to be doing well. I have another u/s today (my second one this week), so I will have another reassuring dr appt later today. The dr scheduled my c-section for my due date (giving me as much time as she possibly can for me to go into labor on my own for my desired VBAC) since the hospital won't allow a scheduled c-section beyond the due date. So, here's hoping we can make it to mid-April, but that I get to go into labor on my own before April 16.

I am working from home, for both jobs. I am having a little trouble staying motivated, but I figure that getting a paycheck should be motivation enough.

There is just so much to do and I don't have the desire/energy/dr permission to do it all. I need to start washing baby clothes and bedding and blankets. (Especially since they haven't been used in 2 or 3 years, they might be a little dusty).

Wow, Has It Really Been That Long . . .

Well, I guess it has. Not that much going on, just busy, busy.

Work is still work. I am still trying to work some for my SIL and hoping I can turn that into a full-time work from home gig.

I went to the dr today for what should have been my normal 4 week appt. My BP was elevated the entire visit, so I am now on bedrest until at least Monday.

On Monday, I go back for a BP check and will also get some bloodwork results. Hopefully, everything will be okay. I also start BPPs on Monday twice a week until I deliver. So, essentially, I get an ultrasound twice a week until this little one is born.

Oh, yeah. Have I announced the name we have chosen for this little guy?

Brady Alan - Alan after Jason's beloved granddad who passed away a little over 10 years ago. And I picked Brady because I like it and it sounded good with Alan.

So, I talked to my boss today after I was put on bedrest. I told him that it is possible I will be able to come back, but not to count on it. We are attempting to figure out a way for me to "tap" into my office computer from home so I can continue to work even while out. This way I can also continue to get paid.

So, if you have any P&PT to spare send them my way. I am not all that concerned about being able to go back to work; I want to keep this little guy cooking for as long as possible. So, if I have to be on bedrest let's hope for a long, uneventful bedrest at home. Six weeks at a minimum - okay guys?!?!?

Weekend To Do

Okay, so here's a list of what I need to do this weekend:

1. Write at least one case study
2. Laundry
3. Fold over a week's worth of clean laundry
4. Put away laundry
5. Put away all Christmas decorations
6. Put away all Christmas gifts

And here's a list of what I will actually probably get done:

1. Write at least one case study
2. Take a bubble bath
3. Read
4. Relax
5. Some, but not all, laundry
6. Fold all clean laundry (with Jason's help once her gets home)
7. Put away some, but not all, Christmas decorations
8. Put away some, but not all, Christmas gifts

So, as you can see, while I am not going to do everything I need to do this weekend, I am actually going to do a lot. The most important of which is taking a bubble bath, reading, and relaxing.

Jason and Dylan are at MIL's house this weekend. I need to get some work done on case studies and this was the best way for him to help me get them done.

So, last night, I took a nice bath and read a book.

I slept late this morning and then got up and got some work done. Case study work and work around the house too. Then, I took another nice bath and read some more in a book. Sounds like a great weekend, right?

Hope you are enjoying your weekend as much as I am.

Busy, Busy, Busy

• Dad is still in hospital. He has had several set backs, but appears to finally be on the upswing. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but he will wind up needing chemo (which we originally thought could be avoided). One of the twenty-four lymph nodes they biopsied came back showing a trace amount of cancer. But, he will be able to do the chemo closer to home instead of up here (four hours from home).
• Why do the Christmas and New Year's holidays always fall on year-end for my company? And if by some wierd chance it isn't actually year-end, then it is always month end.
• I have started working part-time for my SIL doing child life histories for children that were taken into DFCS care. Most of these kids are on their way to be adopted or will be soon. I write up their past family, medical, school, etc. history. These serve two purposes. They allow the potential adoptive family to get an overview of the child and they allow the child (when they get older) to have potentially important information about parts of their childhood that they don't remember.
• Another formalwear company is in the process of purchasing my company and I have found out that it is more than likely that I (and my entire office building) will be laid off by the end of the year (2007). Surprising, I am not all that worried. The widely-believed rumor is that we will be getting a pretty nice severance package.
• I am hoping that I can turn the part time work for my SIL into a full-enough time stay-at-home gig to be able not to have to go "back to work". Hopefully, I will find out something for sure before I have to go out on maternity leave.
• We went to a nice, relaxing New Year's Eve party in our neighborhood. We got to meet some of our neighbors that we hadn't met yet and kids were invited. After only a few minutes of clinging to his daddy, Dylan started to play with the other kids. The kids had a great time in the family's second story bonus room and the adults mingled and ate yummy appetizers. We did go home early, but I was afraid we wouldn't make it to midnight (and if we did Dylan would be a monster the next day).
• I know there is more, but for the life of me I can't remember it. So,

HAPPY 2007, EVERYBODY!!!

Time Flies Update

• Dad’s surgery appears to have gone well. It started late, but that is to be expected in a large hospital, I guess. (Apparently the dr who was doing the second part of the surgery – reconnection of the esophagus and stomach – had been called to do a transplant at 3:30 in the morning and didn’t want to walk out of that surgery and straight into my dad’s. Reasonable and appreciated.) It appears that the cancer has not spread and that the surgery was a success. I talked to him on Saturday and he was tired but more upbeat than he has been since the cancer was discovered.
  
• My blood pressure was back to normal at my last appt. It has been in the normal range each time I have taken it at home also.
  
• Jason and his sister did some Christmas shopping over the weekend and we are now almost done. YEAH for combined gifts. He also purchased some additional gifts for Dylan from Santa – so much for toning it down this year. Oh well, I know he will love them and I think Jason enjoyed picking stuff out.
  
• I am starting to get excited about Christmas. We are doing Christmas dinner at our house this year. Usually we do a brunch with light finger food type stuff, but this year we are doing a full meal. However, no turkey. Honey Baked Ham, baby!!

Thank everyone for their prayers and positive thoughts. It means so much to me to know that there are so many good people out there who care.

How time flies . . .

even if you're not having all that much fun.

• We had a good Thanksgiving even though my dad decided it was more important to spend it with his new wife's family instead of ours. Whatever!!
• Jason, Dylan, and I had to come home on Friday after Thanksgiving, but the upside is that I got most of my house decorated for Christmas. Now, I'm not one to go all out with decorations, but I did get the tree up, the mantle decorated, and some garlands hung on the bannisters. This weekend, I finally finished with the outside decorations. Like I said, not a lot, but just enough change to put you in the spirit.
• Went to what was supposed to be my last specialist OB appt, but my blood pressure was high, so now I have to go back. I did purchase my own blood pressure machine and while it is a little high, it's not nearly as high as in the dr's office.
• Dad came to visit yesterday. He is having surgery (removing part of his esphogus due to cancer) on Thursday and is more freaked out that I think I have ever seen him. It was kind of scary. He is filling out a living will and has asked me to be his medical power of attorney. That paperwork is scary.
• Christmas is only 3 weekends away and I am not even close to being finished shopping. Oh well, maybe I won't spend as much this year.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Safe travels, nice family visits, and good eating to all.

Ugh, What a Month

• Lost a baby.
• Dad has cancer.
• My boss, who is the only reason I have been able to suffer through this job at this company so long, turned in his resignation.

Okay, so it isn't a whole lot number-wise, but these are three pretty traumatic events. And they all happened within the past month.

Please God, let next month be better. I don't think I can take a whole lot more without going insane (and I really don't want to find out either).

P&PT if you can spare them.

It's A Boy!!!

So, I was thinking that 15 weeks was too early to tell. Apparently, not.

The ultrasound tech at the specialists office did a very detailed scan. She looked for and saw all major organs, bones, etc. She said everything looked and measured normal.

Weekend In Review

• My mom came up to visit. This weekend was planned long before the emotional upheaval of last week, but the timing couldn't have been better. We had a nice relaxing weekend, but didn't really do much of anything.
• I got home Friday evening to find a message from a maternal-fetal specialist group (not my OB-GYN office) confirming an appointment that I hadn't made and that I knew nothing about. I freaked out - wouldn't you after what had happened?!? So, I call my doctor's answering service and have to convince the person who answers the phone that even though I am not bleeding and I am not in labor that this is an emergency. I told her what had happened earlier in the week and that I didn't think that my doctors would want me to be freaked out all weekend over something that a phone call could probably clear up. Her first answer was "just don't worry". I'm sorry, do you work with pg women very often? That doesn't fly. So, essentially I told the lady to page the doctor on call or I would be reporting her. I was concerned they had found something they hadn't told me about. I was concerned something was wrong with me or the baby that they had forgotten to mention with everything else that happened on my appointment. I would have driven myself insane if I didn't get to talk to someone. Well, the doctor calls back and the referral and appointment is just to assure the doctor's that they aren't missing anything. They still think everything is okay with the baby, but they want another set of eyes to look at it due to my history. That I understand and would have been cool with had they just talked to me before scheduling an appointment for me, without my knowledge. Ugh, just keep me in the loop - ya know!!
• Tried to take Dylan to a new (closer to our new house) kids hair cut place. It was a no-go. He pitched a fit. He was terrified. The lady there said that she couldn't cut his hair with scissors while he was moving so much, but she could use the clippers all over. Lady, I have clippers with guards at home. If that was what I wanted, I could do it myself for free. What kind of kids place can't cut the hair of a crying child. And, funny thing is that at the old hair cut place, they used cut his hair just fine with scissors when he was pitching a fit (quite a while ago).
• Called to get an appointment and took Dylan to the old hair cut place. He was still a little traumatized by the other place, but after we get him in the jeep (LOL!!), he calms down and does great.
• Looks like we will be driving a little further for Dylan's haircuts. It's just not worth the trauma/drama of changing places right now. And, quite honestly, I didn't like the attitude at the new place.
• Ate Chinese at the mall with Dylan and mom. This is bigger than it sounds. When I was growing up, Mom couldn't stand Chinese food. Over the past little while, she has slowly tried some new stuff and is finding she enjoys somethings she never did before.
• Went shopping for Jason's birthday present. Couldn't find what I wanted, so came home and ordered it. Too bad it won't make it in time for his birthday. Sorry, babe.
• Took a nap Saturday and Sunday with Dylan. It was great.

All in all, it was a pretty good - low key weekend. We need those every once in a while.

BTW, my OB-GYN office called on Monday around noon to let me know about the referral to the specialist. They already knew about my frantic call to the doctor on call on Friday and profusely apologized for the misunderstanding (i.e. referring me and setting up an appointment without telling me).

We found out Monday that one of the twins has stopped growing and has no heartbeat. Actually, it appears that growth stopped about 4 weeks ago, so it was probably within days of us actually finding out about the twins.

The other twin, however, appears to be doing fine. The measurements that were taken on Monday are right where they should be and there was a strong heartbeat at a rate of 167. Maternal risk, other than a higher risk of miscarriage, has dropped due to this now being considered a singleton pregnancy.

I took a couple of days off of work just to absorb the news and grieve the lost baby. Now, although I do still have many moments of sadness, I think that I have processed the information and am trying to focus on the surviving baby.

So, here is a list of positive (though some may seem cold-hearted and sarcastic) things that I can start to think about:

1. I can now attempt a VBAC. My doctors were pretty set on the fact that a VBAC with twins was too risky; however, assuming all other conditions are favorable, they will support an attempt with a single birth.
2. Though I am still considered high risk, I am not nearly as high risk with a single pregnancy as I was with a twin pregnancy.
3. Though my risk for miscarriage of the surviving baby is higher, the doctors believe that since I have made it to 13 weeks with the surviving baby still thriving that I have a good chance of continuing to have a healthy pregnancy.
4. I still get to have a lot of ultrasounds.
5. One of my internet mom friends has offered to loan me a doppler to reassure my mind in between office visits. People, even people you have never met, really do seem to come through in times like these.
6. Potential daycare costs are no longer more than my house payment.
7. I believe I can be a good mom to one infant and one child. I was really concerned about whether I could be a good mom to two infants and one child.
8. I believe that I will be able to breastfeed. I was concerned about my ability to breastfeed two babies. Don't get me wrong - I'm not one of those people who believe formula is bad and I'm not against supplementing. However, I didn't get the experience of breastfeeding Dylan due to his prematurity and time in the NICU. It's something I really want to do, for as long as it works for us.
9. I am not as worried about the effect on Dylan with one baby as I was with two.
10. I will be able to take Dylan and baby out by myself if I need to. I wasn't sure that I would be able to do that with Dylan and twins.

Now, please understand that I would have never wished for this to happen and that I was absolutely shaken and devastated on Monday. I have had a couple of days to think about things and accept that I will not be the mom to twins. And while I was worried about my ability to handle everything, I know that had both babies survived that I would have figured everything out and would have done a good job and would have loved it.

But now, that avenue is closed, so I am attempting to look at all of the positives (even some of the selfish ones) that can be taken from this sad experience. Back in December, I had a miscarriage. It was devastating and there was nothing positive that I could take from that experience. I grieved and cried and wondered if I could risk that hurt again. Well, obviously, I decided that I could. This loss, however, is so different. I can't completely give myself over to grief. I still have another little one who is counting on me to make good choices so that he/she can continue to thrive. I have allowed myself a time to grieve and wallow in my grief; however, I can not allow myself to be consumed by it.

My way of dealing with things is to figure out the details. If I can figure out the details of something, then I know I can handle it. I was in the process of figuring out the details of having/raising twins. I was getting there. Now, I have to figure out the details of not having twins. So, this is where I am right now.