DUE DATE

Well, today was my due date and my baby is 2 and 1/2 weeks old.

I went to the doctor for my normal twice a week appointment on Thursday, March 29, 2007, and my blood pressure was elevated (even after lying on my left side for 15-20 minutes). Because of my previous history with severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome when Dylan was born (and the fact that I had already been on bedrest for 2 months) the doctor decided it was best to go ahead and deliver instead of waiting for me to get sick like last time.

So, around 4:00 in the afternoon, I walked, yes - walked, to the OR. My MIL had picked up Dylan from school, so he got to see me before I went in for the c-section. I think all of the tubs and needles scared him, but we did get one picture with his hand on my stomach before I went in for surgery. He and MIL waited in the waiting room for the baby to be born.

Jason got changed into scrubs and waited outside for me to receive the epideral. I had really been hoping for a VBAC, but I wasn't dialated at all and my doctors will not induce for a VBAC. The fact that I didn't get to VBAC wound up being a good thing. Apparently, the baby was so wedged up in my ribs that the doctor doubted I would have been able to get him out on my own. As it was, I had the doctor's assistant practically sitting on my chest pushing on my abdomen trying to get him out.

Well, all was well. We made it to 37 weeks, 3 days. Brady Alan Lane weighed 7 pounds and was 18 3/4 inches long. His APGARs were 8 and 9. He cried wonderfully after a little bit of time. He did not need to go to the NICU, which we had been warned could be needed. Except for the first night, when I had to stay alone and couldn't get out of bed, he roomed in with me the whole time in the hospital. I actually got to bring a baby home from the hospital on the same day I went home. This has been a whole new experience for me.

My c-section recovery has been amazing. I have had virtually no pain. I could actually stand up completely straight the first time I got out of bed (and those of you who have had a c-section know how amazing that is).

Things are going well at home. I am extremely tired, as I am breast feeding this time so Jason doesn't have to get up at night (and since he is working, I don't think he should since he can't really do anything to help me anyway). Breast feeding is going well, Brady was back up to birth weight before we hit the two week mark. I will find out at his one month how much more he has gained. His days and nights are a little mixed up right now, but hopefully that will begin to straighten out soon.

Still Here . . .

Well, it's pretty much been the same old, same old lately. Here are a couple of highlights over the past month . . .

• Jason and MIL painted our master bedroom. We picked a color that I actually really like, but I would have never imagined I would have a bedroom this color. The name of the color is “Tropical Nut”, which to me, looks like a dark rust, but to everyone else looks sort of reddish – but it looks great and really warms up the room!
• Spent quite a bit of money on new ivory, cream bedding and window dressings to go with the new wall color. The room looks great and very "grown-up". LOL!!
• Dylan is getting so big. He is going to be such a great big brother.
• We decided to put Dylan in private pre-k next year instead of the state sponsored pre-k program. Based on information from the director at his daycare, he has already met most, if not all, of the state sponsored pre-k program guidelines. He would most likely be bored in the program, so we are going to pay for private pre-k to keep him challenged instead of having him go to a free state program. In the long run, I think it will be a great headstart for his schooling. This will also give us a good idea about whether or not he is truly ready (especially socially) for kindergarten the next year.
• I am 37 weeks today and had another "measurement" ultrasound this morning. Brady is measuring 2 to 2 1/2 weeks ahead right now. He is estimated to weigh 8.3 pounds. Let's hope that it is a little overestimated.
• Got my cervix checked for the first time today. It actually wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. I am high, thick, and closed. So, who knows if I am going to be able to VBAC or not.
• Still working two jobs from home. I am already dreading having to go back to the office. I really enjoy the freedom this gives me. I can't wait until I can get to work full-time for my SIL and stay home (at least most days).

Well, I think that is about it. See, not much new going on. I will update more later and will try to update pretty quickly after Brady is born.

Still Here and Holding On

All is well, with both me and baby.

The nursery is ready, all we need to do is a little laundry and get some clothes back from my SIL. New crib was assembled this weekend (old crib was broken in move) and furniture is arranged. There are even some wall decorations and a clock on the wall.

Dylan's room has some cool new decorations. He is already such a great big brother. Whenever we would pick something out for his room, he wanted to know what we were getting Brady. We got wooden letters for each of their rooms (to spelll their names) and he wanted to paint Brady's first.

I almost cried when I dropped Dylan off at daycare this morning. On the wall, all of the kids have drawings of their families. The heads of each person is made from the child's fingerprint. Dylan had his teacher include Brady (by name and everything - I wonder if they thought he was making the name up - LOL). It was so sweet. I truly hope he is as excited once Brady is here because right now he can't wait to meet him and be his big brother.

Oh, well. I guess I better get some work done today. I mean, they are still paying me and everything.

Still Here

Well, I am still here on bedrest. BP is holding steady and Brady seems to be doing well. I have another u/s today (my second one this week), so I will have another reassuring dr appt later today. The dr scheduled my c-section for my due date (giving me as much time as she possibly can for me to go into labor on my own for my desired VBAC) since the hospital won't allow a scheduled c-section beyond the due date. So, here's hoping we can make it to mid-April, but that I get to go into labor on my own before April 16.

I am working from home, for both jobs. I am having a little trouble staying motivated, but I figure that getting a paycheck should be motivation enough.

There is just so much to do and I don't have the desire/energy/dr permission to do it all. I need to start washing baby clothes and bedding and blankets. (Especially since they haven't been used in 2 or 3 years, they might be a little dusty).

Wow, Has It Really Been That Long . . .

Well, I guess it has. Not that much going on, just busy, busy.

Work is still work. I am still trying to work some for my SIL and hoping I can turn that into a full-time work from home gig.

I went to the dr today for what should have been my normal 4 week appt. My BP was elevated the entire visit, so I am now on bedrest until at least Monday.

On Monday, I go back for a BP check and will also get some bloodwork results. Hopefully, everything will be okay. I also start BPPs on Monday twice a week until I deliver. So, essentially, I get an ultrasound twice a week until this little one is born.

Oh, yeah. Have I announced the name we have chosen for this little guy?

Brady Alan - Alan after Jason's beloved granddad who passed away a little over 10 years ago. And I picked Brady because I like it and it sounded good with Alan.

So, I talked to my boss today after I was put on bedrest. I told him that it is possible I will be able to come back, but not to count on it. We are attempting to figure out a way for me to "tap" into my office computer from home so I can continue to work even while out. This way I can also continue to get paid.

So, if you have any P&PT to spare send them my way. I am not all that concerned about being able to go back to work; I want to keep this little guy cooking for as long as possible. So, if I have to be on bedrest let's hope for a long, uneventful bedrest at home. Six weeks at a minimum - okay guys?!?!?

Weekend To Do

Okay, so here's a list of what I need to do this weekend:

1. Write at least one case study
2. Laundry
3. Fold over a week's worth of clean laundry
4. Put away laundry
5. Put away all Christmas decorations
6. Put away all Christmas gifts

And here's a list of what I will actually probably get done:

1. Write at least one case study
2. Take a bubble bath
3. Read
4. Relax
5. Some, but not all, laundry
6. Fold all clean laundry (with Jason's help once her gets home)
7. Put away some, but not all, Christmas decorations
8. Put away some, but not all, Christmas gifts

So, as you can see, while I am not going to do everything I need to do this weekend, I am actually going to do a lot. The most important of which is taking a bubble bath, reading, and relaxing.

Jason and Dylan are at MIL's house this weekend. I need to get some work done on case studies and this was the best way for him to help me get them done.

So, last night, I took a nice bath and read a book.

I slept late this morning and then got up and got some work done. Case study work and work around the house too. Then, I took another nice bath and read some more in a book. Sounds like a great weekend, right?

Hope you are enjoying your weekend as much as I am.

Busy, Busy, Busy

• Dad is still in hospital. He has had several set backs, but appears to finally be on the upswing. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but he will wind up needing chemo (which we originally thought could be avoided). One of the twenty-four lymph nodes they biopsied came back showing a trace amount of cancer. But, he will be able to do the chemo closer to home instead of up here (four hours from home).
• Why do the Christmas and New Year's holidays always fall on year-end for my company? And if by some wierd chance it isn't actually year-end, then it is always month end.
• I have started working part-time for my SIL doing child life histories for children that were taken into DFCS care. Most of these kids are on their way to be adopted or will be soon. I write up their past family, medical, school, etc. history. These serve two purposes. They allow the potential adoptive family to get an overview of the child and they allow the child (when they get older) to have potentially important information about parts of their childhood that they don't remember.
• Another formalwear company is in the process of purchasing my company and I have found out that it is more than likely that I (and my entire office building) will be laid off by the end of the year (2007). Surprising, I am not all that worried. The widely-believed rumor is that we will be getting a pretty nice severance package.
• I am hoping that I can turn the part time work for my SIL into a full-enough time stay-at-home gig to be able not to have to go "back to work". Hopefully, I will find out something for sure before I have to go out on maternity leave.
• We went to a nice, relaxing New Year's Eve party in our neighborhood. We got to meet some of our neighbors that we hadn't met yet and kids were invited. After only a few minutes of clinging to his daddy, Dylan started to play with the other kids. The kids had a great time in the family's second story bonus room and the adults mingled and ate yummy appetizers. We did go home early, but I was afraid we wouldn't make it to midnight (and if we did Dylan would be a monster the next day).
• I know there is more, but for the life of me I can't remember it. So,

HAPPY 2007, EVERYBODY!!!

Time Flies Update

• Dad’s surgery appears to have gone well. It started late, but that is to be expected in a large hospital, I guess. (Apparently the dr who was doing the second part of the surgery – reconnection of the esophagus and stomach – had been called to do a transplant at 3:30 in the morning and didn’t want to walk out of that surgery and straight into my dad’s. Reasonable and appreciated.) It appears that the cancer has not spread and that the surgery was a success. I talked to him on Saturday and he was tired but more upbeat than he has been since the cancer was discovered.
  
• My blood pressure was back to normal at my last appt. It has been in the normal range each time I have taken it at home also.
  
• Jason and his sister did some Christmas shopping over the weekend and we are now almost done. YEAH for combined gifts. He also purchased some additional gifts for Dylan from Santa – so much for toning it down this year. Oh well, I know he will love them and I think Jason enjoyed picking stuff out.
  
• I am starting to get excited about Christmas. We are doing Christmas dinner at our house this year. Usually we do a brunch with light finger food type stuff, but this year we are doing a full meal. However, no turkey. Honey Baked Ham, baby!!

Thank everyone for their prayers and positive thoughts. It means so much to me to know that there are so many good people out there who care.

How time flies . . .

even if you're not having all that much fun.

• We had a good Thanksgiving even though my dad decided it was more important to spend it with his new wife's family instead of ours. Whatever!!
• Jason, Dylan, and I had to come home on Friday after Thanksgiving, but the upside is that I got most of my house decorated for Christmas. Now, I'm not one to go all out with decorations, but I did get the tree up, the mantle decorated, and some garlands hung on the bannisters. This weekend, I finally finished with the outside decorations. Like I said, not a lot, but just enough change to put you in the spirit.
• Went to what was supposed to be my last specialist OB appt, but my blood pressure was high, so now I have to go back. I did purchase my own blood pressure machine and while it is a little high, it's not nearly as high as in the dr's office.
• Dad came to visit yesterday. He is having surgery (removing part of his esphogus due to cancer) on Thursday and is more freaked out that I think I have ever seen him. It was kind of scary. He is filling out a living will and has asked me to be his medical power of attorney. That paperwork is scary.
• Christmas is only 3 weekends away and I am not even close to being finished shopping. Oh well, maybe I won't spend as much this year.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Safe travels, nice family visits, and good eating to all.

Ugh, What a Month

• Lost a baby.
• Dad has cancer.
• My boss, who is the only reason I have been able to suffer through this job at this company so long, turned in his resignation.

Okay, so it isn't a whole lot number-wise, but these are three pretty traumatic events. And they all happened within the past month.

Please God, let next month be better. I don't think I can take a whole lot more without going insane (and I really don't want to find out either).

P&PT if you can spare them.

It's A Boy!!!

So, I was thinking that 15 weeks was too early to tell. Apparently, not.

The ultrasound tech at the specialists office did a very detailed scan. She looked for and saw all major organs, bones, etc. She said everything looked and measured normal.

Weekend In Review

• My mom came up to visit. This weekend was planned long before the emotional upheaval of last week, but the timing couldn't have been better. We had a nice relaxing weekend, but didn't really do much of anything.
• I got home Friday evening to find a message from a maternal-fetal specialist group (not my OB-GYN office) confirming an appointment that I hadn't made and that I knew nothing about. I freaked out - wouldn't you after what had happened?!? So, I call my doctor's answering service and have to convince the person who answers the phone that even though I am not bleeding and I am not in labor that this is an emergency. I told her what had happened earlier in the week and that I didn't think that my doctors would want me to be freaked out all weekend over something that a phone call could probably clear up. Her first answer was "just don't worry". I'm sorry, do you work with pg women very often? That doesn't fly. So, essentially I told the lady to page the doctor on call or I would be reporting her. I was concerned they had found something they hadn't told me about. I was concerned something was wrong with me or the baby that they had forgotten to mention with everything else that happened on my appointment. I would have driven myself insane if I didn't get to talk to someone. Well, the doctor calls back and the referral and appointment is just to assure the doctor's that they aren't missing anything. They still think everything is okay with the baby, but they want another set of eyes to look at it due to my history. That I understand and would have been cool with had they just talked to me before scheduling an appointment for me, without my knowledge. Ugh, just keep me in the loop - ya know!!
• Tried to take Dylan to a new (closer to our new house) kids hair cut place. It was a no-go. He pitched a fit. He was terrified. The lady there said that she couldn't cut his hair with scissors while he was moving so much, but she could use the clippers all over. Lady, I have clippers with guards at home. If that was what I wanted, I could do it myself for free. What kind of kids place can't cut the hair of a crying child. And, funny thing is that at the old hair cut place, they used cut his hair just fine with scissors when he was pitching a fit (quite a while ago).
• Called to get an appointment and took Dylan to the old hair cut place. He was still a little traumatized by the other place, but after we get him in the jeep (LOL!!), he calms down and does great.
• Looks like we will be driving a little further for Dylan's haircuts. It's just not worth the trauma/drama of changing places right now. And, quite honestly, I didn't like the attitude at the new place.
• Ate Chinese at the mall with Dylan and mom. This is bigger than it sounds. When I was growing up, Mom couldn't stand Chinese food. Over the past little while, she has slowly tried some new stuff and is finding she enjoys somethings she never did before.
• Went shopping for Jason's birthday present. Couldn't find what I wanted, so came home and ordered it. Too bad it won't make it in time for his birthday. Sorry, babe.
• Took a nap Saturday and Sunday with Dylan. It was great.

All in all, it was a pretty good - low key weekend. We need those every once in a while.

BTW, my OB-GYN office called on Monday around noon to let me know about the referral to the specialist. They already knew about my frantic call to the doctor on call on Friday and profusely apologized for the misunderstanding (i.e. referring me and setting up an appointment without telling me).

We found out Monday that one of the twins has stopped growing and has no heartbeat. Actually, it appears that growth stopped about 4 weeks ago, so it was probably within days of us actually finding out about the twins.

The other twin, however, appears to be doing fine. The measurements that were taken on Monday are right where they should be and there was a strong heartbeat at a rate of 167. Maternal risk, other than a higher risk of miscarriage, has dropped due to this now being considered a singleton pregnancy.

I took a couple of days off of work just to absorb the news and grieve the lost baby. Now, although I do still have many moments of sadness, I think that I have processed the information and am trying to focus on the surviving baby.

So, here is a list of positive (though some may seem cold-hearted and sarcastic) things that I can start to think about:

1. I can now attempt a VBAC. My doctors were pretty set on the fact that a VBAC with twins was too risky; however, assuming all other conditions are favorable, they will support an attempt with a single birth.
2. Though I am still considered high risk, I am not nearly as high risk with a single pregnancy as I was with a twin pregnancy.
3. Though my risk for miscarriage of the surviving baby is higher, the doctors believe that since I have made it to 13 weeks with the surviving baby still thriving that I have a good chance of continuing to have a healthy pregnancy.
4. I still get to have a lot of ultrasounds.
5. One of my internet mom friends has offered to loan me a doppler to reassure my mind in between office visits. People, even people you have never met, really do seem to come through in times like these.
6. Potential daycare costs are no longer more than my house payment.
7. I believe I can be a good mom to one infant and one child. I was really concerned about whether I could be a good mom to two infants and one child.
8. I believe that I will be able to breastfeed. I was concerned about my ability to breastfeed two babies. Don't get me wrong - I'm not one of those people who believe formula is bad and I'm not against supplementing. However, I didn't get the experience of breastfeeding Dylan due to his prematurity and time in the NICU. It's something I really want to do, for as long as it works for us.
9. I am not as worried about the effect on Dylan with one baby as I was with two.
10. I will be able to take Dylan and baby out by myself if I need to. I wasn't sure that I would be able to do that with Dylan and twins.

Now, please understand that I would have never wished for this to happen and that I was absolutely shaken and devastated on Monday. I have had a couple of days to think about things and accept that I will not be the mom to twins. And while I was worried about my ability to handle everything, I know that had both babies survived that I would have figured everything out and would have done a good job and would have loved it.

But now, that avenue is closed, so I am attempting to look at all of the positives (even some of the selfish ones) that can be taken from this sad experience. Back in December, I had a miscarriage. It was devastating and there was nothing positive that I could take from that experience. I grieved and cried and wondered if I could risk that hurt again. Well, obviously, I decided that I could. This loss, however, is so different. I can't completely give myself over to grief. I still have another little one who is counting on me to make good choices so that he/she can continue to thrive. I have allowed myself a time to grieve and wallow in my grief; however, I can not allow myself to be consumed by it.

My way of dealing with things is to figure out the details. If I can figure out the details of something, then I know I can handle it. I was in the process of figuring out the details of having/raising twins. I was getting there. Now, I have to figure out the details of not having twins. So, this is where I am right now.

We Are Now a TWO Minivan Family

Well, we bought our second minivan last night. It's a 2003 Honda Odessey with leather and DVD. This will definitely be the one that we take on trips. It's in really good shape and we got an awesome deal (both on our tradein and on the "new" van). I would definitely do business with this certain carlot again.

Here's a picture of the Odessey:

We Are Now a Minivan Family

Yesterday, after several hours of negotiation, Jason traded his recently "new to us" Jeep Grand Cherokee in for a "new to us" Mazda MPV. This is not our exact one, but it is the same year and color.


It is one of the smaller minivans out on the market and we really did get a great deal. Jason got them to put on a new set of tires and to perform a complete service. There are a couple of dings and scratches, but what can you expect from an almost 4 year old vehicle. A couple of the most noticible scratches will be fixed somehow by their "body guy" tomorrow.

With the twins coming, we originally thought that we could keep one of our "smallish" SUVs and get one minivan. We were wrong. While we can fit 3 car seats in each of the SUVs we have, the front seats have to be so far forward that it is not comfortable to drive. We were going to make do, but found a really great deal on this minivan.

In the next couple of months, we will be purchasing another minivan. Probably a "new to us" Honda Odyssey. This will be the newer (and nicer) of the two minvans and the one we will take on trips. Wish us luck.

Wow, It's Been 3 Months . . .

where did the time go?

Honestly, not too much has been going on all summer. Time just kept getting away from me and I couldn't find the time (or inspiration to blog).

Well, summer is over and I figured it was time to come back to blogland.

Quick summer recap:

• Dylan is completely daytime potty trained.
• Nighttime, not so much, but that will come with time.
• The house is coming together, slowly, but surely.
• Visited FIL and his girlfriend and had a pretty nice visit in the mountains of PA.
• My mom is dating for the first time since she and Dad got divorced. She seems really happy and I am happy for her. The guy seems really nice.
• My dad is married again for the second time since he and Mom got divorced. They only knew each other about 4 weeks before setting a date and only 8 weeks by the time they married. I don't really care for her, but WHATEVER.
• We bought a timeshare in partnership with Jason's dad and his girlfriend. Hope this turns out to be a good thing.
• We went to the beaches in North Carolina over Labor Day weekend. It was a nice, relaxing time with SIL and her family.
• And last, but certainly not least . . .I am pregnant . . .with twins.

I will try to be better about writing.

We're Baaaack!!

Well, we made it home safely from Vegas. We had a really good time, but we were gone a few days too long. We saw several shows (KA, Love, and Lance Burton) and only gambled a little. We did a little shopping and just had a relaxing week. Unfortunately, no little elves visited our new home and unpacked all of our boxes, so we are still living with chaos right now.

Dylan did great with my SIL, but he was ready for us to come home. He got a little homesick, but she was able to keep him distracted. He went to the lake, to the zoo, to the pool, and made a new friend. But as soon as we walked in the door to pick him up, he was ready to go home. He didn't want us to sit around and chat with SIL and BIL, he wanted to go. He gave them each 4 or 5 hugs just trying to prompt us to go home.

On Monday, when I took Dylan back to school, he refused to go to his old class. I had told him that he was going to start going to the "big boy" class (i.e. preschool) this week sometime and he decided that Monday was the right day. After pitching a fit that he didn't want to go to the "baby" class, he walked into that new class like he had always been there.

For those of you who don't my son well, you don't understand how big this is for him. Transition to new things (especially new classes at school) has been really, really hard for him in the past. The last transition took almost a month, but part of that was because there was a teacher change about that time too. So, we were foreseeing weeks of slowing moving him to the new class (which is actually how they move most kids - a couple of hours each day the first week and more and more time the next week until they are there all day). Nope, he walked in yesterday and he was done with the old class.

When I dropped him off today, he walked to the new class, hung his bookbag on his hook (no more cubby for him), and told me "Bye, Mom". HUH?? What happened here?? Don't get me wrong, I think it is awesome that he wants to go to this class (especially since he has to anyway). But he has never, in the almost 3 years he has been in daycare, just walked into class and told me see ya later. It's two days now. I hope this continues. My baby is growing up. I am so happy/sad.

We're Off to Vegas.

See you in about a week.

Busy, Busy, Busy

It's been a very busy couple of weeks.

We had Dylan's 3rd birthday party on May 27. He had a blast. There were water gun fights (by children and adults), four-wheeler riding, and just an all around good time. Dylan patiently waited as "Happy Birthday" was sung to him and then promptly blew out his candles - taking out a corner of the cake in the process. He got way too many toys (mostly from Jason and I). Everyone else was blessedly contained this year with the gift giving. It was the last party in our old house.

We moved to our new house on Friday, June 2. There were many twists and turns getting into the new house starting with the horrible experience of selling our house to the horrible experience with the moving company we used (btw - don't ever use "All My Sons" to move). But, the final result is that we are in our new house and we are getting settled.

This Friday, June 9, Jason and I leave for Vegas. We planned this trip even before we thought about selling out old house. I am hopeful that the house will be a little more put together before we leave. We both need the relaxation that comes from a vacation. This has been a very trying experience and I am truly glad that it is over.

To all who sent us P&PT, I truly appreciate it.